Bipolar Mum Journey

People-pleasing often stems from growing up in a toxic environment, experiencing narcissistic abuse, or simply lacking boundaries because of a deep desire to be liked.

I can pinpoint exactly why I became a people pleaser for so long. As a child, I was caught between my toxic grandmother and mother, who harboured deep resentment towards each other. My grandmother would say hurtful things about my mother’s life choices, knowing I would bring them up to my mother, which would strain our relationship. In response, my mother would give me the silent treatment, to the point where I would frantically search for the perfect card to write a long apology, just for asking questions. These experiences were distressing, and I remember them vividly. From very young I was always walking on eggshells, feeling the need to constantly apologise. This then led me to finding partners who treated me exactly the same.

I spent years trying to please others until, a couple of years ago, I finally said, “Enough.” Now, I live for myself and my children. In the process, I lost many people in my life, which showed me how many were only around for what I could do for them or to boost their egos. I’m still someone who gives compliments because I don’t want anyone in my circle to feel the way I did for so long (and still sometimes do). But don’t mistake my kindness for weakness, I’m done with people-pleasing, and you should be too. Don’t live your life for others. Be selfish, say no, and refuse to tolerate backhanded comments from those who are supposed to be your friends.

Keep your head high, stand tall, and live your life for yourself. Trust me, it will be the best thing you ever do.