Bipolar Mum Journey

I kept seeing that quote everywhere. Over and over. And I remember thinking, yeah, but when though?

When’s my turn?

Low and behold… He already has.

Every partner I’ve ever been with, relationship-wise, chipped away at me until I was a shell. And I can’t even sit here and put it all on them. I have to own my part too – not seeing it sooner, making excuses, staying when I should’ve walked. Letting things slide because I didn’t want to believe what was right in front of me.

There’s a Cyndi Lauper lyric that always stuck with me:

“Some guys find a beautiful girl and hide her away from the rest of the world.”

They do that. And they break her spirit while they’re at it. And the worst part? We let them – because when you’re inside it, you don’t see it from a bird’s-eye view.

Most of these guys were broken long before we ever met them. Parents. Society. Life. Then along comes a bubbly, loud, self-assured woman and instead of rising to meet her, they latch on. They drain her. They crush her spirit until she’s small enough to sit beside them in their own misery.

God doesn’t fix you until you wake up.

And I did.

I started clocking things I’d brushed off for years. The digs at my northern accent disguised as “banter.” The comments about my clothes, my voice, my ditsy side. The jokes about my mental health. All laughed off. All minimised. Until one day it hit me, that wasn’t humour. That was jealousy wrapped in abuse.

If a guy wants an angel, he needs to build a heaven.

And most can’t.

Instead, they cling on for comfort, then try to break the woman standing in front of them. Not because they love her – but because they don’t want her to move on. Don’t want her to outgrow them. Certain guys need you stuck, because they’re stuck. They won’t self-reflect. They won’t do the work. So they try to drag you back into the box they made for you by trashing your growth.

And then God steps in.

He puts you back together right in front of the very people who tried to tear you apart. The mirror flips. Everything you once went stir-crazy over? They’re now losing their minds over it. You get your power back so intensely it’s almost uncomfortable to watch, because the guy who spent years breaking you is suddenly the one unraveling.

When you grow, you attract better moments.

When you live in anger, you attract chaos.

I know which one I’m choosing.

I used to think taking your power back was just some cliche, now I know it’s not.

I will never shrink for a guy again.