Bipolar Mum Journey

Abandonment can take many forms physical, emotional, or psychological and its impact is profound. It creates deep-seated wounds that ripple through generations. As you’re probably aware by now, my mother was abandoned at birth and sent to an orphanage in 1968. This foundational loss defined her life, embedding within her a sense of insecurity and mistrust. In turn, she abandoned me, and in a heartbreaking echo of her experience, I found myself inadvertently abandoning my son not by choice, but through the cycle of reactive abuse.

Abandonment issues are rarely a singular event; they are often passed down, like a legacy no one asks for. This inherited trauma can manifest in unpredictable ways, often affecting not only our personal well-being but also the lives of those we love most.

Understanding Abandonment and Its Impact on Mental Health:

Abandonment is not just about being left physically; it’s the emotional experience of feeling deserted, neglected, or unworthy of love. Whether it happens at birth, during childhood, or in adulthood, it leaves behind emotional scars that can form how we view ourselves and our relationships.

Research shows that abandonment issues significantly increase the risk of mental health challenges, including:

Depression: People who experience abandonment often struggle with low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and pervasive sadness. These emotions can deepen over time, leading to chronic depression.

Anxiety: Fear of being left behind again whether by a partner, friend, or family member can trigger intense anxiety. This anxiety often manifests as clinginess, possessiveness, or avoidance, as people try to protect themselves from future loss.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): Abandonment, particularly in childhood, can result in trauma that impacts brain development, leading to PTSD. This includes flashbacks, hypervigilance, and avoidance of situations that may remind someone of their past abandonment.

When my mother was abandoned at birth and sent to an orphanage, she was left with deep emotional scars. Like many children of the system, she likely faced feelings of rejection, loneliness, and unworthiness. These are heavy burdens to carry, and they formed her ability or inability to bond, trust, and nurture.

In turn, when I was born, I didn’t have a mother who was emotionally equipped to care for me in the way I needed. She didn’t abandon me physically right away, but the emotional void was palpable. Eventually, she left me too. And even though I could intellectualise her actions, part of me always wondered why I wasn’t worth staying for.

This pattern of abandonment doesn’t simply dissipate with time. It festers, moulding how we view ourselves and others. When it came to my son whom I share with my abusive ex. I found myself repeating these same destructive patterns, though not by choice. Through reactive abuse an outpouring of unresolved pain and self defence mechanisms I ended up abandoning him too. The violent act itself doesn’t fill me with remorse, because I know it was a reaction rooted in survival. However, I hate that I put my son in the position to lose his mother.