Bipolar Mum Journey

After everything I went through in my younger years and early 20’s, my libido and sexual desire was non-existent. But in my late 20s things took a turn, my sex drive skyrocketed from non-existent, to through the roof. Even though I had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, no one mentioned ‘Hypersexuality’ being a symptom and how this could affect my libido. During my elevated moods, I noticed a significant increase in sexual desire. Once my day wound down and the evening came, my thoughts often turned toward hypersexual thoughts. If you have a supportive partner and you both enjoy intimacy, this can work out well. But if not, it can lead to risky behaviour and for those who are single, especially when alcohol is involved, it can become dangerous, particularly if combined with (hypo)mania.

As you probably know by now, I had a brief fling with a celebrity in 2014. My partner and I were on a break, and instead of using that time to focus on myself and rebuild my confidence, I went through a (hypo)manic episode driven by hypersexuality. I ended up in a situation with said man, that was neither healthy for me nor good for my self-respect. Although it seemed great in the moment and was fully consensual, would I have started messaging a celebrity on twitter (now X) if I hadn’t been (hypo)manic, probably not.

I’m not ashamed of this situation, it was just another chapter in my life. However, I want to emphasise that the decisions you make during (hypo)mania are often very different from those you’d make when you’re not in that state.

While many are familiar with the emotional high and low behavioural aspects of bipolar disorder, one lesser discussed symptom is hypersexuality. This is a condition in which individuals experience an intense and often uncontrollable increase in sexual thoughts, urges, and behaviour, usually occurring during (hypo)manic episodes.

Hypersexuality can be deeply disruptive and misunderstood. For those affected, it’s more than just an increase in libido, it can result in impulsive and reckless sexual decisions, leading to strained relationships, or health risks. Because hypersexuality isn’t commonly associated with more widely known symptoms of bipolar disorder, it may go unrecognised or be misinterpreted as a moral failing or lack of self-control.

How Hypersexuality Manifests in Bipolar Disorder:

During (hypo)manic phases, individuals with bipolar disorder often experience heightened energy levels, reduced need for sleep, increased self-esteem, and a sense of invincibility. These feelings can spill over into their sexual lives, resulting in behaviours that are out of character when compared to their usual temperament.

If you’re single this may involve engaging in risky sexual behaviour, such as having multiple partners, using dating apps excessively, or engaging in unsafe sex. Some individuals may feel driven to pursue relationships impulsively or develop obsessions with sexual activity, even if they are typically more reserved.

Conversely, in depressive phases, the person’s sexual drive may swing to the opposite extreme, resulting in a loss of interest in intimacy altogether. This oscillation between extremes further complicates their relationships and personal well-being.

The Impact of Hypersexuality on Relationships and Mental Health:

For those experiencing hypersexuality, the fallout can be significant. Partners may feel betrayed or confused by sudden changes in behaviour, especially if they are unaware of the underlying cause. The person with bipolar disorder may later feel guilt or shame over actions taken during a (hypo)manic episode, which can exacerbate their mental health struggles.

Moreover, hypersexuality can create a vicious cycle in which shame, fear of judgement, and regret can feed into the depressive phase of bipolar disorder, deepening the person’s emotional turmoil.

Addressing Hypersexuality:

Managing hypersexuality as part of bipolar disorder requires a multifaceted approach. Medication is often the best form of treatment for bipolar disorder, and certain mood stabilisers or antipsychotics can help temper the (hypo)manic highs that trigger hypersexuality. However, medication alone is often not enough.

Therapy, especially cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), can help individuals identify triggers, develop coping strategies, and build healthier relationship habits. Having open and honest conversations with a mental health professional about sexual behaviour can be uncomfortable, but it is vital for treatment. Recognising that hypersexuality is a symptom, not a personal flaw can reduce self-blame and encourage more effective management.

Support from loved ones is also crucial. Education can help partners better understand the challenges of hypersexuality in the context of bipolar disorder, fostering empathy and reducing misunderstandings. Having clear communication about boundaries, needs, and support systems can make a significant difference in maintaining healthy relationships.

Breaking the Stigma of Hypersexuality:

Unfortunately, discussions about hypersexuality often carry stigma, both for the individual experiencing it and for those around them. Our culture tends to be uncomfortable with topics related to sex, especially when they are tied to mental health issues. This often leads to the symptom being brushed under the rug or dismissed as embarrassing or irrelevant.

Breaking this stigma is essential. Hypersexuality, like any other symptom of bipolar disorder, deserves to be recognised and treated with the same seriousness and compassion as mood swings, anxiety, or depression. Acknowledging its impact and normalising conversations around it will help those affected feel less isolated and more empowered to seek help.