Bipolar Mum Journey

Over the years, I’ve encountered my fair share of compulsive lying narcissists. These are the people who thrive on feeding you stories, designed to sweep you off your feet while hiding their real intentions. If you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone like this, you know exactly how convincing they can be, especially when you’re in a vulnerable state. They seem to have a knack for zeroing in on people who are craving connection, love, or just some kind of validation, and they use that to their advantage.

One of the most obvious ways a narcissist reveals themselves is through their ridiculous lies. I’m not talking about little fibs, like saying they’re five minutes away when they’re really just leaving the house. No, these lies are much bigger, almost comically extravagant, designed to impress and manipulate at the same time.

There was one guy I dated, for example, who told me he was planning this grand proposal at the Trafford Centre. He claimed he wanted to do it over the tannoy, make a massive public declaration of his love for me. It sounded over the top, and honestly, a little much considering we hadn’t been dating that long. But when you’re 16 and someone’s pouring out what seems like affection and commitment, it’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy. He said the only reason it didn’t happen was because he couldn’t borrow his mate’s van to get us there. A ridiculous excuse, but at the time, I didn’t question it.

It wasn’t until later that evening that the reality hit. A friend’s sister pulled me aside, clearly uncomfortable. She said she couldn’t keep watching him lie to me, feeding me story after story while all he was really doing was using me. He didn’t care about a grand proposal, he just cared about what he could get out of me and keeping me hooked with these fairy tales.

Hearing that, the spell broke. I realised I had been taken in by promises that sounded too good to be true. And when something sounds too good to be true, it usually is. Narcissists rely on this. They know how to paint a picture that you want to believe in, whether it’s about the fancy car they supposedly own, the piles of money they claim to have, or the over-the-top gestures they’re always “about” to make but somehow never do.

It’s almost laughable, looking back. These lies aren’t even good lies. They’re so ridiculous that you’d think anyone could see through them, but when you’re vulnerable, you want to believe. Narcissists know this. They don’t care if their lies sound absurd because, to them, the goal isn’t to be honest, it’s to keep you on the hook. As long as you’re hanging onto their words, they’ve got you where they want you.

What makes narcissistic liars so dangerous is how well they understand human nature. They know how to play on your emotions, how to tell you exactly what you want to hear. If you feel insecure, they’ll shower you with compliments. If you feel lonely, they’ll make grand gestures, whether real or imagined. But it’s all smoke and mirrors. The moment you start to dig beneath the surface, everything falls apart.

The biggest lesson I learned from this and what I wish I’d known at 16, is that love isn’t about extravagant promises or materialistic stories. True connection doesn’t need to be built on fantasy. If someone’s constantly spinning tales that sound too good to be true, chances are, they are. Narcissists lie because they need to control the narrative. They need to keep you believing in their version of reality, so you don’t catch on to who they REALLY are.

So, if you ever find yourself caught up in a whirlwind of promises and extravagant claims, take a step back. Ask yourself if this person’s actions match their words. Do they ever actually follow through, or do the excuses pile up as fast as the promises? Narcissists will keep lying for as long as you let them. But once you see through their game, once you recognise the pattern of too-good-to-be-true stories, you can break free.

In the end, it’s about trusting yourself. You don’t need their approval or their fantasy world. You deserve real, honest love, the kind that doesn’t require grand lies to feel important. The best person to give you that love is, YOU.