Bipolar Mum Journey

We live in a world where you’re criticised no matter what you do. Throughout my life, I’ve worked hard to manage my diagnosis to ensure I didn’t cause my children any trauma. I’ve sought out every resource and authority available, completed every parenting course, and read every recommended book on the subject. I openly acknowledge that I have bipolar disorder and have researched it extensively. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of misunderstanding about bipolar disorder. Women, in particular, are often labelled as bipolar due to erratic behaviour that may actually stem from ongoing narcissistic abuse.

Bipolar disorder often includes mood swings, periods of intense energy or irritability, and episodes of depression. These symptoms can be overwhelming and difficult to manage without proper knowledge of the disorder. 

I now strongly disagree with the suggestion that I have antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). In fact, I wish I had the calculated nature of ASPD. Like my ex, who exhibits narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and traits of histrionic personality disorder, perhaps then I’d have had a better chance in the court system. Knowing how to manipulate people would be a trait I would love to have but my mouth is too big and I’m too honest to get away with anything. My whole life, I’ve been taken advantage of, manipulated, and walked over due to my tendency to people-please, stemming from abandonment issues and a desire to be accepted. I constantly put myself last. I’m not superficial (which is a strong trait of aspd). I don’t care about brand names or appearances, and I’m not malicious. I hold myself accountable for my actions and having researched ASPD thoroughly, I simply don’t fit the criteria.

Yes, I can get into conflicts just like anyone else, but it’s more about standing up for my children or myself when necessary. I don’t take myself too seriously, I’m not easily embarrassed, and I’m quick to laugh at my own expense rather than bring anyone else down. I despise bullying and the negativity in the world. I’m deeply empathetic and always make time for others because I don’t want anyone to feel the way I’ve felt over the past 38 years.

I take full responsibility for managing my bipolar disorder and am proud to speak openly about it, despite the stigma that still exists. Ending that stigma may be difficult, but we should never feel ashamed of our diagnoses. If I didn’t have bipolar disorder, I wouldn’t be the parent I am today. Navigating bipolar has helped me grow, and that’s something I see as a major positive. Maybe if more people took accountability for their mental health we wouldn’t be in such a mess. 

Which brings me to internet trolls: 

Internet trolls often display behaviour that aligns closely with traits associated with psychopathy. Hiding behind the anonymity of a screen, they deliberately provoke and harm others with no regard for the emotional damage they cause. This lack of empathy, combined with a desire to manipulate and inflict pain for their own amusement, reveals a level of callousness and cruelty that is chillingly reminiscent of true psychopathy. Unlike those who might struggle with mental health issues and work hard to manage them, trolls derive pleasure from the suffering of others, making them the real dangers in our online communities.