Bipolar Mum Journey

As many of you know, I share an 18-year-old son with my abusive, narcissistic ex. Our history is filled with pain and trauma, and it all came to a head when I was arrested for GBH with intent after defending myself from enduring another attack. Following my arrest, my son was initially taken in by my mother but was quickly taken away by my ex. Since then, my ex has made contact between me and my son very difficult and now I have had to walk away for good due to safety reasons. 

After our separation, my ex wasted no time jumping into a relationship with a girl I knew from school. When that relationship ended, he immediately began another relationship with someone else from my past, eventually settling down with someone who could only be described as a monster. This new partner harboured deep-seated resentment towards me from our younger years, and she took out her frustrations on my son in the most horrific ways. She locked him in his bedroom for extended periods, refusing to let him out even when he needed to use the bathroom. This led to a situation where my son was forced to soil himself. It was only when a concerned family friend of theirs reported the abuse to social services that the extent of what my son was going through came to light.

Despite my best efforts to regain contact with my son, my ex consistently painted me as a violent monster, the “stabbing mother.” While I was in prison, I continued to fight for access to my son, but every attempt was met with resistance. Upon my release, I immediately sought the help of a family lawyer to begin the process of regaining access. I would go to court with bags of gifts for my son, only to have the proceedings adjourned time and time again because my ex refused to attend. When I was finally granted limited access, it was under strict supervision, and even then, my ex would move to another jurisdiction to prevent me from seeing my son and cut the indirect contact completely. This cycle continued for years, until I finally had to step back and focus on raising the children I share with my partner of 15 years.

How Narcissistic Parents Use Their Children as Weapons:

One of the most painful aspects of dealing with a narcissistic ex is how they use their children as weapons in their ongoing battle to control and hurt the other parent. Narcissists often see their children not as individuals with their own needs and emotions but as tools to manipulate and exert power. They will go to great lengths to alienate the child from the other parent, poisoning the child’s mind with lies and distortions to turn them against the targeted parent.

In my case, my ex weaponised my son by controlling access to him and feeding him a false narrative about who I was. This kind of behaviour isn’t just about hurting the other parent; it’s also about maintaining control. The narcissist needs to feel in charge of the situation, and by keeping the child away from the other parent, they can assert dominance and continue to inflict pain long after the relationship has ended.

This tactic is devastating for both the parent and the child. The child is deprived of a relationship with a loving parent, and the targeted parent is left feeling helpless, constantly battling a system that doesn’t always recognise the nuances of emotional abuse. It’s a tragic situation, but unfortunately, it’s a common one for those who have had relationships with narcissistic individuals.