Bipolar Mum Journey

I thought today was a good day to touch upon the topic of narcissism, given the word ‘Narcissist’ has become ‘pop culture’. Narcissism isn’t something to be taken lightly or thrown around carelessly. While we can all display narcissistic traits, essentially being egotistical from time to time, etc. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a serious mental health condition that rarely improves.

My grandmother, often perceived as sweet, was actually deeply narcissistic, and this toxic trait was passed down to my mother. Being the only one among her seven sisters who unfortunately couldn’t bear children of her own, left her bitter and angry (understandably). She adopted three babies, but as they began to grow the initial excitement of motherhood started to fade. Her narcissistic behaviour created a harmful environment, resulting in all three of her adopted children developing drug and alcohol addictions and exhibiting poor character. She also wielded her will like a weapon, using it as leverage to manipulate and control my mother. She dangled the promise of inheritance over her head, a cruel incentive to ensure my mother kept funding her destructive drug habit, leaving my mother trapped in a cycle of financial and emotional subservience. As a result, I remained in my grandmother’s care, a pawn in her relentless game of power and dependency. This vicious cycle continues as my narcissistic ex manipulates our Son to extort money from her, both of whom I have nothing to do with (by choice).

Some might attribute the issues of the adopted children to genetics, but I believe a stable, nurturing environment is crucial for a child’s development. A narcissistic parent can profoundly affect their children, as it did with my mother and then me. 

My grandmother was consistently cruel, undermining me from a young age and intensifying her negativity as I grew older. Years of therapy and research have helped me understand how her abuse contributed to my mental health struggles and influenced my choice of a narcissistic (ex) partner.

Narcissistic abuse has significant effects on the brain. Prolonged exposure to such abuse can lead to changes in brain structure and function. The hippocampus, which is essential for memory and learning, can shrink, while the amygdala, responsible for processing emotions like fear, can become overactive. These neurological changes can result in PTSD, anxiety, depression and other mental disorders, making recovery a long and challenging process, if possible at all.