Bipolar Mum Journey

People who abuse others often struggle with deep insecurity. They may be drawn to someone who is lively and full of energy it feels exciting at first. But soon, that same energy reminds them of what they’re missing in themselves, and resentment starts to grow.

Addiction is another common issue among abusers. It worsens their insecurities and often leads to anger. When substances like alcohol are involved, and the person already has poor self-control, the risk of abusive behavior increases.

Lying, cheating, and manipulation are common patterns. When confronted, the abuser might deny everything or downplay their actions. They rarely take responsibility. Instead, they shift the blame or accuse you of doing worse. This is called gaslighting.

Living with someone like this is exhausting and harmful. They often isolate you from loved ones and friends, belittle your goals, and twist your thinking until you begin to doubt yourself. If you make a mistake, no matter how small, they’ll use it against you endlessly.

Sometimes, the only way to cope is by secretly confiding in someone. While that can bring short-term relief, if the abuser finds out, they may never let you forget it. They’ll use it as leverage to maintain control.

Life with an addicted partner, especially when you’re sober, is painful. They may not remember the things they said or did while intoxicated, but you carry the emotional and physical damage. The cycle of harm followed by apologies becomes a pattern that repeats daily.

When you start to educate yourself and push back, either through reasoning or by emotionally detaching (also known as the “grey rock” method, where you act as unresponsive and neutral as possible) they begin to lose control. That’s when their mask slips, and their desperation shows.

In many cases, they resort to threats, including suicide, as a last effort to keep control over you.

But when you begin focusing on your own life on your goals, your growth, they start to fall apart. Abusers often see life as a competition. They can’t stand to see you succeed. If their own plans fail, they take their frustration out on you and belittle what you’re trying to achieve.

The only way to truly break free is by educating yourself. If you don’t have a support system like myself, knowledge becomes your lifeline. Learn everything you can, value yourself, don’t rely on outside validation, you don’t need it. Protect your energy from people who drain it. You are the one who will carry yourself through, nobody else.