Bipolar Mum Journey

I found myself a little unsettled after watching the Elvis movie last night. Learning that Priscilla was only 14 when she began her relationship with Elvis, who was 24 at the time. It brought to light the troubling ways children have been treated as commodities throughout history. It’s alarming to think about how young girls, in particular, have been married off or placed in relationships with much older men in various cultures and time periods. This prompted me to look into the history of the age of consent, in the UK, luckily it has evolved significantly over the centuries, unlike some other countries.

In the UK, the age of consent for girls was set at 12 in the 13th century, lowered to 10 in 1576, and remained there until 1861 when it was raised to 12 again. It was later increased to 13 in 1875 and finally to 16 in 1885. While 16 is now the legal age of consent in many countries, I still find it concerning. Why would anyone feel a physical or emotional attraction to someone so young? It’s a question that weighs heavily on my mind.

Looking back at my own experiences, from the age of 15, most of the people I consensually interacted with or dated were in their mid-20s, a significant age gap of 9 to 10 years. When I lost my virginity, I was a late bloomer, I hadn’t even started puberty, this was likely due to a stressful home environment. I wasn’t emotionally ready for intimacy. Yet, I felt pressured, by my own mother, a story I plan to delve into more deeply in my book. At the time, I didn’t fully grasp how inappropriate these dynamics were.

When I first started dating my current partner, we would occasionally share stories about past relationships. He was shocked to hear that my previous partners were all significantly older. He couldn’t understand why my mother allowed such relationships, and I struggled to explain it, simply saying it was “normal” where I grew up. He responded by saying that in his community, a man in his mid-20s pursuing a teenager would be labeled as predatory. Hearing his perspective made me realise how skewed my own experiences had been.

Now, as a mother to a teenage daughter, I see things through a completely different lens. The idea of a man in his mid-20s showing interest in her is unthinkable. If someone like that ever came to pick her up, they’d be in for a very cold and harsh reality check. It’s striking how becoming a parent can shift your perspective and make you see past situations in a new light. What once seemed “normal” now feels deeply wrong, and I’m determined to protect my daughter from the kind of pressures and imbalances I experienced growing up.