Complicated Love.

I’ve been feeling a deep sense of longing for home lately. As someone from the North who moved South at 21, I’ve spent years adapting to a place that often feels foreign. My boyfriend is from London, and our children were born in the south, they have grown up with southern accents and culture. My boyfriend was drawn to me for my distinctly northern spirit, he found northern culture refreshing and full of life. For over nearly two decades, he’s mimicked my accent, a playful nod to the charm he saw in it. And honestly, I get it southern humor just doesn’t hit the same. (Didn’t stop him trying to change me though 🙄)

Growing up, my northern family were complicated but full of unforgettable moments. My mother and stepfather struggled with addiction, but they also had an incredible ability to make me laugh. My dad, despite his flaws and some dark chapters, had a side to him that was deeply human. Behind his eyes, I could see the little boy who’d suffered profound loss, like losing his sister in the 1980s. He had quirks that made him unique, he’d collect random objects, broken things he’d find along the way. My mum used to call him a “collector maniac.” Now, with hindsight, I wonder if he might have been neurodivergent.

He was a mix of opportunist, thief, and dreamer. I still remember waking up at my grandmother’s house as a child to find oversized garden ornaments cluttering the hallway, things he’d swiped from someone’s garden. Even then, I thought, Who on earth is going to buy those fucking things?

It’s easy to judge him for the terrible things he did, like nearly killing my mother. But he was the only father I knew for 14 years, and when he died six months before her, it hit me harder than I expected. I’ll never condone the violence he inflicted, but I can’t ignore the pain he carried either. He was suffering in ways that he didn’t know how to express. And that makes me wonder, if men had more space to share their struggles, could things have been different?

When we talk about domestic violence, we often focus on condemning the men who perpetrate it and rightly so. But maybe part of the solution lies in encouraging them to speak out before things escalate. Instead of only demonising them, we could push for better conversations around their mental health. After all, understanding doesn’t mean excusing but it could mean fewer families enduring the same cycles of pain.

Rest easy guys 💕 Miss You 💕